The “Grandma” Swimsuit

Aug 17, 10 • A Funny Thing...No Comments

I have not owned a swimming suit for YEARS!!!  The last time I put one on, it had been years since I used that particular one and I could hear the crackling as it completely lost it's elasticity and went limp.  It's kind of silly not to have one considering that we live less than 10 minutes away from the beach.  But I've seen those ladies…you know, the ones that should be investing in a new suit and a full-length mirror.  I never wanted to shock the tourists and make them run screaming away from our otherwise beautiful shoreline.  I mean, people take their children to the beach!  This would be a great commercial for the opponents of fast foods kid's meals.  I can hear the parents now:  "Kids, that is what happens if you eat the kid's meal that comes with the toy."  They wouldn't need any government regulations as a deterrent.

Not that I have ever been much for swimming suits.  Even in my young and thin days, my skin and the sun didn't get along…that was, of course, way before sunscreen came to be.  What a marvelous invention!  Even then I used to be teased mercilessly about how white I was.  They used to call me "Lightbulb".  But now, it has nothing to do with my lack of tan.  Now the problem is that I am old, overweight and out-of-shape.  Since I can't do anything about the old, I need to start working on the other two…overweight and out-of-shape.

Enter my friend Seija and her new adventure, water aerobics.  She started by herself, but got her mom to attend and she's been bugging me about joining them.  I used the excuse that I don't have a swimming suit, but when she said "so buy one", I thought…she's right.  I can't use that excuse forever.  Since it's the end of the summer, they are on sale everywhere.  I could at least try.

Uggg!  What a fun shopping trip!  No, I'm not going to model my granny suit with the skirt that goes from the bust-line down to the mid-thigh.  I'm sure that anyone that runs into me will be grateful that at least I'm that covered up.  There is still the chance of momentary blindness from the flash of my very white complexion if my skin catches the light just right.  But I have to start somewhere.  I want to be in better shape and its supposed to be more fun…maybe fun isn't the right word…when done with a friend, right?  Maybe getting a little exercise will give me more energy and water aerobics is supposed to be easier on the joints than other high impact exercising, right?  I know – I'm not ancient.  But I'm certainly not getting any younger.  I would just like to feel younger…at least a little younger.

So wish me well and please take this warning:  stay away from our local watering hole during the old ladies water aerobics class…if you know what's good for you!

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